I have a topic in mind for essay 2, however, I've been debating whether or not I really should write about it. It involves a past relationship I had that really took it's toll on me. Though it was not in any way physically abusive, I feel as though he tried to control me both mentally and emotionally. Here's what I would discuss in my essay if I do in fact choose this topic to write about...
His name was Gerard. We started dating in the fall of 2005, right when I began my freshman year of college. He quickly consumed me. By consumed, I mean he took over my whole life. I dropped all of my friends that 'he didn't approve of', didn't work because he didn't want me to. Pretty soon, he was basically the only one I had in my life, besides my family. Part of it is my fault, because I let it happen. When I look back now, I think to myself, 'what the hell was wrong with me? I had a voice-why didn't I use it?' I guess, because, as cliche as it is, I thought I was 'in love', and that he would never steer me wrong.
He was exhausting. The relationship eventually became more trouble than it was successful and happy. He had to know where I was, what I was doing, 100% of the time. Every time he felt that I was disconnecting from him, he would bribe me with going places, with gifts. I eventually just couldn't stand it anymore, and ended the relationship.
In my essay, I would like to focus on the emotional roller coaster I was experienced through 90% of our relationship. The first 3 months were pretty good-he was sweet and respectful. I want to discuss the fact that I was NOT myself for over a year-that he pretty much brainwashed me. I also would like to use it as an almost cautionary tale for girls (and guys) who think that they are in love and that their relationship is the most important thing in the world. Because I only focused on him, I failed my first year of school, and that is why I am going to be graduating 2 years late. Even though he and I broke up over 3 years ago, I am still dealing with the repercussions of this exhausting ordeal.
What do you guys think? Would you want to hear this story, or is just another cliche tale that could be the plot to a Lifetime movie? ;)
Is this relationship the one you wrote that second poem about, the one you read to us the other day? I don't think it will be cliche because we all have had problems in relationships so it's a topic that is easy to relate to. I know it is difficult though because you will have to reveal so much of yourself when you write about something like a relationship. Maybe you can find a way to incorporate some of your poetry (about that relationship) into the work. I'm absolutely interested in reading it!
ReplyDeleteI like it! It is not cliche because it addresses something that happens over and over (I can think of at least 3 people right now that I would distribute your story to!) I think if you disclose the information that you didn't see then from your perspective now it can become a cautionary story. My only suggestion would be to define what you thought was "love," meaning what was it about you that stunted you from using your voice as you had mentioned. I have always been curious as to what drives people's actions in a relationship and it would be really interesting to see your point of view from this experience. I think you should go with it and I would definitely be interested in reading it!
ReplyDeletethanks for the input, guys! Robyn-I believe the poem WAS in fact written about this particular relationship. I'm not afraid of revealing myself too much, because I think it is a good way of healing. I'll feel better mentally once I get it all out of me. :)
ReplyDelete